Book 9

	Hisoka: I hate Muraki!
	Flashback Oriya: You can't defeat Muraki with hate, dumbass.
	Hisoka: ...I thermonuclear weapon Muraki?
	Konoe: Nice to see you're helping out with those pesky sakura petals, Kurosaki-kun.
	Hisoka: Hey, chief, any suggestions on how to not suck?
	Konoe: Well, you could always go get a shikigami. Though, of course, in this condition you'll probably just do something stupid and end up placing the entire dimension in jeopardy and earning the hatred of an entire race of extremely powerful creatures.
	Hisoka: Hmmm... go get a shikigami, eh...
	Tsuzuki: Aren't I cute when I misquote proverbs?
	Tatsumi: Perhaps, but I am far too busy being stoic to notice. Now, you say you want your partner to get a shikigami?
	Tsuzuki: Yeah, I thought maybe next time I get possessed or kidnapped or insane he might like to do something besides scream like a woman.
	Tatsumi: Well, let's not jump to conclusions.
	Tsuzuki: Hey, Hisoka, I've got an idea! Let's go get you a summon!
	Hisoka: Hey, I was just thinking that too! And I'm sure my being in an especially insecure and temperamental mood is ideal for going off to a very delicate alternate dimension to hunt powerful and dangerous creatures.
	Tsuzuki: ...or we could eat pie.
	Hisoka: Will the pie protect me from albinos?
	Tsuzuki: Not as such.
	Hisoka: Right. Gensoukai, then.
	Wakaba: Hello! I'm here to be cute and address the large, powerful crow-man gatekeepers with inappropriate familiarity.
	Terazuma: And I'm here to smoke and look charmingly threatened by this.
	Tsuzuki: Well, as long as all that's in order. All right, into the internet we go!
	Hisoka: The internet what now?
	Tsuzuki: Ah, I forgot, it's your first time. I'll explain in more detail. Shikigami... live in... the internet.
	Hisoka: ...
	Tsuzuki: The internet in the computer.
	Hisoka: ...
	Tsuzuki: That computer right there.
	Hisoka: ... how does that work?
	Tsuzuki: No time for all these questions!
	Kotarou: Hi. We're the Tengu, and we'll be your portentous winged gatekeepers this evening. Is this the CHILD who wants to go to Gensoukai?
	Hisoka: ...
	Kotarou: Well, I guess as long as TSUZUKI'S with him, to make sure he doesn't MAKE ANY TROUBLE, it's okay.
	Hisoka: Testosterone... beginning to corrode brains...
	Tsuzuki: Uh, let's just get on our way, he's not supposed to do anything really stupid for at least another book.
	Kotarou: Oh, right.
	Wakaba: Have fun! We'll stay here and have antics!
	Tsuzuki: Now that we're here, I'll let the mangaka do some exposition.
	Matsushita-sensei: Oh boy! The part where I pull stuff out of my ass!
	Hisoka: You sure do know a lot about this.
	Tsuzuki: Well, you know, I've only done it twelve times now.
	Hisoka: SO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME, HUH? I'LL SHOW YOU!
	Tsuzuki: ...I knew we should have stuck to pie.
	Wakaba: You know, it's strange, but I can't help having this TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE FEELING ABOUT SENDING KUROSAKI-KUN TO GENSOUKAI.
	Terazuma: Damn hysterical women.
	Hisoka: Well, here I am, completely lost.
	Watari: Hmm, the computers are acting up. I'm sure this couldn't be foreshadowing or anything.
	Tatsumi: Of course not. Say, what does that fax say?
	Watari: It.. it says... this is... !!!
	Dramatic Lightning: Boom.
	Audience: -_-
	Hisoka: Hello. Have you seen a moron around here?
	Kijin: Not today, no. Here, what I say always becomes the truth. "YOU WILL LIVE IN INTERESTING TIMES."
	Hisoka: ...
	Sohryuu: ARRRRGH! MORE FUCKING FLOWER PETALS! I HATE SHOUJO MANGA! Oh, look, a human. Die.
	Audience: Gosh, I wonder if the situation in Gensoukai might be fraught with moral ambiguity?
	Hisoka: Dear journal: The natives, while handsome in appearance, seem shy and hostile. Perhaps I may ply them with glass beads and other trinkets... oh, wait, I have to have a nightmare about my family now.
	Genbu: I am old, yet no one respects me. The wackiness.
	Rikugou: Hello, I'm the resident perky, yet vaguely sinister, long-haired blond meddling type. Every set has to have one, it's union code. I thought it might make you feel better if I terrified you with these FREAKY EYES IN MY FOREHEAD.
	Hisoka: I hate this place.
	Tsuzuki: I see no reason why following a butterfly shouldn't help me find my way.
	Watari: So, apparently, the Kurosaki family in Kamakura need help with a snake problem.
	Tatsumi: Call off the shiki search, then, all this scene-switching is making me irritable.
	Hisoka: Okay, now I'm getting somewhere. Say, what's that sound?
	Byakko: It's a tiger on your ass, bubby.
	Hisoka: DOES NOBODY HERE JUST WAVE?
	Tsuzuki: Hey, what does that sign say? 'FREE DONUTS'?
	Touda: 'CROCODILE PIT'.
	Tsuzuki: Similar kanji. TOUDA!
	Touda: Hey, a funny thing happened on my way here. I saw Sohryuu about to kill your new partner. But I didn't do anything about it, though, since I only obey your orders.
	Tsuzuki: ...
	Touda: I guess you had to be there.
	Konoe: So let me get this straight, Tatsumi. You think Hisoka would really want to go back to the place he lived his entire life in misery, interact with his emotionally abusive family, and have to explain why he's back considering that, as far as they know, he died two years ago?
	Tatsumi: ...
	Konoe: Do the words "conflict of interests" ring a bell?
	Tatsumi: ...
	Konoe: That's it, you're going to Kamakura, for being stupid.
	Tatsumi: Day planner entry, Thursday: Kill boss. Steal desk.
	Watari: Wow, what a nice, big house to get locked in the basement of.
	Maid: You must be doctors!
	Watari: Actually, we're just the walking dead. OW!
	Tatsumi: Yes. Doctors.
	Nagare: Hello. I'm the master of the house. You're just in time for our nightly game of pin the tail on the donkey.
	Tatsumi and Watari: SHOCK!