Book 7

	Prostitute: yap yap yap yap yap yap yap
	That Mysterious Shadowy Figure Again: That's fascinating. Tell me, are you about a size 14?
	Tsuzuki: Hisoka! Tatsumi said you weren't looking well and probably had something foreshadowing to tell me.
	Hisoka: Huh -- ? Oh, right. Ahem. I've been having dreams about Muraki.
	Tatsumi: WHO WANTS TO LOOK AT PICTURES OF DEAD GIRLS?
	Watari: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D
	Everyone Else: uncomfortable silence
	Watari: ...why did you guys say that instead of just doing it?
	Tatsumi: As I was saying, someone has been giving dead women terrible haircuts. Go to Kyoto with Watari, it'll keep him out of trouble.
	Tsuzuki: Well, if there's one thing years of anime has taught me, it's that nothing climactic ever happens in Kyoto!
	Watari: And by the way, fellas, I thought you might be interested in this silver hair that was found on the murder victims.
	Tsuzuki: Silver hair?! Oh no! That means the murderer is... ... OLD!!
	Watari: ...
	Hisoka: ...
	Tsuzuki: ...oh right! Muraki! Heh. Right.
	Oriya: So yeah, remember that place in the rules of this establishment, where it says NO KILLING THE WHORES?
	Muraki: Oh, bitch bitch bitch. Next you'll be telling me I can't pee in the koi pond anymore. Now would you help me pull out some more of my hair? This guy I'm stalking ain't exactly the brightest cookie on the tree, if you know what I mean.
	Oriya: In so many ways do I not.
	Hisoka: You know what would be a good idea right now? To take a walk on my own without telling anyone where I went!
	Muraki: Yeah, good thinking, kiddo. I hope you brought your own corpse, you can't borrow mine.
	Hisoka: YOU! WHY MUST YOU KILL PEOPLE? KILLING PEOPLE IS BAD!
	Muraki: No, it's good.
	Hisoka: No, it's -- ARGH! CURSE YOUR MIND GAMES!
	Muraki: Now, allow me to mention Tsubaki-hime for no good reason but to piss you off.
	Hisoka: WORKS FOR ME
	Watari: PLOT CONTRIVANCE MASK FOR THE WIN!!!!!!
	Muraki: what the f
	Tsuzuki: DAMN YOU, MURAKI! LET'S GO BACK TO YOUR HOTEL ROOM! Wait, that came out wrong somehow.
	Maki: You know what I'm grateful for every day, Mariko? That we are ordinary high school girls, leading happy and hopeful lives, not in any way involved with the secret cloning lab beneath this campus nor with any sort of overarching plot about dead people.
	Mariko: Yes, Maki. I was just thinking that myself.
	Muraki: Actually, I just brought you back to my friend's brothel! Which is much less suggestive.
	Tsuzuki: Ooh, what beautiful screen printing! Uh. HEY MURDER GUY, WHAT'S WITH ALL THE MURDER?
	Muraki: It's how I show my affection! I mean, straight razors are much cheaper than chocolates.
	Tsuzuki: YOU BASTARD! I LOVE PEANUT CLUSTERS!
	Muraki: Oof. Hey, nice watch. Ever tried to kill yourself?
	Tsuzuki: daishokku
	Oriya: THIS IS JUST A COMIC INTERLUDE TO SAY THAT GAY IS STILL BAD!!
	Matushita-sensei: :D :D My messages are the mixedest.
	Librarian: Say, Ikaruga, mind taking this book over to a professor in the Place Where Your Doom Will Be Sealed Building?
	Mariko: Sure, no problem. The Place Where Your Doom Will Be Sealeds were such generous trustees, weren't they?
	Mariko: Oh... what a beautiful woman!
	Muraki: Ah, lost again. If only I could read.
	Mariko: Oh, I was mistaken! Her illiteracy makes her much less attractive. Reading is fundamental!
	Professor Satomi: Ah, hello, Dr. Muraki! Thank you for the book, little girl, now run along so we can do illegal cloning experiments. I mean... blillegal bloning blexperiments. ...I mean, go home.
	Mariko: Blillegal bloning blexperiments?! Maybe that beautiful woman is a blone!! ...no, that's ridiculous, she's probably just a clone.
	Professor Satomi: Well, as long as you're here, Muraki, want me to drop some hints about your mother that will never really pan out?
	Muraki: No, no time, I'm just here to show you my vintage invalid porn.
	Professor Satomi: You mean this man... lived for eight years without food and drink?!
	Muraki: Yes, Professor! And throughout that entire time... HE WAS VERY HUNGRY AND THIRSTY!!
	Professor Satomi: NO WAI!!!!!!
	Tsuzuki in the Photograph: SURPRISE! It's meeeeeeeeeeee
	Tatsumi: MEANWHILE, STUPID CHICKEN ANTICS.
	Tsuzuki: Well, I'm glad that important issue was addressed. Now it's time for moping with monk stuff!
	Hisoka: Man, I hate that show. What happened, did Muraki open a door to your painful and shocking backstory or something?
	Tsuzuki: Pfft. What are the chances of that happening? Now let's not talk about this anymore again ever.
	Hisoka: I choose to interpret your reticence as... a lack of trust that personally insults my worthiness as a human being!
	Tsuzuki: ...wow! That's amazing!
	Hisoka: I keep a spinnywheel in my back pocket.
	Watari: HAY GUYS THERE'S A CLONING LAB AT THE UNIVERSITY LET'S CHECK IT OUT!! oh I guess you were like having a tense emotional moment or something well whatever
	Matsushita-sensei: HERE IS HOW CLONING DOES DOES NOT WORK!
	Watari: Well, first you take a sheep, right? And then you shear the sheep, and take some of the wool, and hit it with a hammer until some DNA breaks off. Put half of the DNA in a mason jar and shake it up with some paprika. Then you stir vigorously, pour into a glass or metal casserole dish, and bake at 425 degrees for one hour. Wear protective gloves. Remove, cool, then light on fire. Now, this is where it gets tricky: [SEVERAL PAGES MISSING] with a shovel, and after the final ballot count you should have been elected chairman! Then put on a sheep costume. And VOILA!
	Tsuzuki: Well, I was fine until you started speaking French.
	Matsushita-sensei: WASN'T THAT INFORMATIVE!
	Tsuzuki: So how gay is my heating the water for your bath?
	Hisoka: Not as gay as the touching reconciliatory moment we're about to have over getting our fortune told!
	Tsuzuki: :D :D :D
	Maki: We sure are normal and innocent, Mariko!
	Mariko: Yes, Maki. We really are.
	Muraki: GOOD DAY, MONSTERS EAT YOU NOW.
	Tsuzuki: Oh no, monsters eating high school girls! And not even in a sexy way!
	Muraki: So now do you like me? Because I don't mind telling you, these were not cheaper than chocolates.
	Tatsumi: SHADOWS ALL UP IN YO FACE, BITCH.
	Muraki: Ah! You must be the esteemed secretary of the --
	Tatsumi: *BLAM*
	Muraki: ...I see that you're a shadow master, that's a fascinating tech--
	Tatsumi: *BLAM*
	Muraki: ... ... it seems as though you have some personal feeli--
	Tatsumi: *BLAM*
	Muraki: ... ... ... I'll just be going now, shall I?
	Tatsumi: You do that.
	Tsuzuki: Tatsumi I suuuuuuuuuck. Muraki said so! And what reason do I have not to trust the word of a deranged murderer who's obsessed with me?
	Tatsumi: Well, it looks as though I shall be required to CHOKE A BITCH.
	Hisoka: And I'm in favor of this plan, but for the time being, would you deal with Tsuzuki? Because I'm not really equipped with the skill set for, you know... positive human interaction.
	Tatsumi: Okay, this time, but you know, you really are a better partner to him and in the future I think he would prefer your company.
	Hisoka: I'm a whatter huh to who and in the who duh wha my buh?
	Tatsumi: ...quite.
	Tsuzuki: So, uh, why are we going shopping and taking me out for treats when I should be working again?
	Tatsumi: BE QUIET.
	Tsuzuki: Works for me! Say, remember that time when we came to Kyoto when we were partners and I had to kill that kid and freaked out?
	Tatsumi: Oh, yes! Ha ha. Good times. Let's almost kiss.
	Mariko: Alas! I was once so normal and innocent, but now my best friend is dead and everyone thinks I killed her! What could possibly redeem the pit of woe into which my life has fallen?!
	Tsuzuki: I vote for four suspicious and beautiful men you associate with your best friend's death mysteriously appearing in your school and following you around! :D
	Mariko: NO, THAT IS THE INCORRECT ANSWER.
	Tsuzuki: ...are you sure?
	Oriya: Hey, Muraki, I've got THAT SUPER MYSTERIOUS AND NO DOUBT FORESHADOWING OF SOMETHING OR OTHER WOMAN Ukyo on the line for you.
	Muraki: Ah, yes, one of the finest of families of old Kyoto, the THAT SUPER MYSTERIOUS AND NO DOUBT FORE--
	Oriya: Oh, give it a rest.
	Fangirls: Those four creepy mysterious dudes who appeared at our school sure are hot! :D Say, let's beat up Mariko.
	Mariko: Any other ways you guys would like to help me? Like, I don't know, kill my dog or something?
	Tsuzuki: Moping causes papercuts!
	Hisoka: I keep telling you and telling you.
	Muraki: WORST SCHOOL NURSE EVARRRRR XDDDDDDDD
	Tsuzuki: what the crap!
	Muraki: So, want to go to a Noh play? You're perfectly free to refuse assuming that you want Mariko eviscerated.
	Tsuzuki: Ha ha! You can't eviscerate her, we've got her under surveillance!
	Hisoka: Uh, actually, we don't. ...Can I come to the Noh play too?
	Muraki: ...No.
	Hisoka: YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!
	Tsuzuki: Either way, one of you better be bringing hot dogs.
	Muraki: So, I suppose you're wondering why I brought you to this play about hunting demons. In which the famous demon hunter kills a demon that has been attacking people at a festival. Demonically.
	Tsuzuki: Actually I was wondering how you're managing to tell me all this when we're sitting on opposite sides of the aisle, Mr. Libretto.
	Muraki: DEMON DEMON DEMON MR. DEMON-PANTS, A DEMON IS YOU.
	Tsuzuki: Oh, I see. noooooooooooooooooooo
	Usher: Gentlemen, for the last time, if you can't refrain from having climactic plot revelations during the performance, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. The feathers are distracting the other patrons.
	Konoe: The grandson of the doctor who knew Tsuzuki's terrible secret is involved in this case! Mysterious things are afoot!
	Enma: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE HALF OF IT! ...eh, and you probably never will.
	Hisoka: WAKE UP, YOU HAVE NO CULTURE.
	Tsuzuki: Nooooooooooooooooooo! ...wait, I knew that already. What was the other thing Muraki was...? Oh right. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
	Hisoka: ...yeah, whenever you're done.
	Professor Satomi: Yeah, so I've been doing some thinking, and I think maybe murdering women and kidnapping high school girls isn't the illuminated path to scientific progress that I first thought it was.
	Muraki: Oh, pfft, that's ridiculous. Now help me fire up the gamma rays and, through nuclear exuberance, transform this girl into a giant B-movie centipede monster. Scienteriffically!
	Professor Satomi: You're... you're mad! You're insane!
	Muraki: You're being awfully free with that word for someone who keeps putting government transmitters in my teeth.
	Tsuzuki: I'm drunk! Say, Hisoka, Muraki said a funny thing during the play about how my DNA isn't human and I'm probably a horrible freakish monster.
	Hisoka: I, uh... what?
	Tsuzuki: I guess you had to be there. Ooh, that alleyway looks full of nice sharp rocks!
	Hisoka: JESUS FUCK
	Tsuzuki: ...um, I'm not human and my eyes are weird. I guess I should have mentioned that to start.
	Hisoka: Seriously, Tsuzuki, you're human. You're too stupid not to be.
	Tsuzuki: ...Promise?
	Hisoka: Oh, yeah. Here, hugs, lay off the rocks in your eyes for a while.
	Tsuzuki: Oh, that's your answer to everything!
	Mariko: APPEAR! ... x_x
	Hisoka and Tsuzuki: OH CRAP!
	Tsuzuki: It's okay, guys, I'll take care of her. After all, I'm drunk and emotionally exhausted. What could possibly go wrong?
	Mariko: THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF CENTIPEEEEDES~
	Matsushita-sensei: CLIFFHANGER ENDING!
	Audience: D: