Book 10

	Sohryuu: Have I made the point yet that flower petals are an evil, evil omen?
	Tsuzuki: HISOKA YOU'RE ALL RIGHT I WAS SO WORRIED!!!
	Hisoka: Ow. YOU DIDN'T TELL ME SHIKI HAD HUMAN FORMS!
	Tsuzuki: Well, you didn't think all this time I was having sex with a giant tiger, did you?
	Hisoka: ...
	Tsuzuki: Uh, I mean... I'm sorry!!
	Suzaku: COME BACK HERE, TOUDA! MY BOOBS WILL HAVE THEIR VENGEANCE!!
	Suzaku's Boobs: Boing.
	Touda: Oh, god damn it, not again.
	Byakko: Hey, uh, look, Suzaku, it's Tsuzuki!
	Suzaku: TSUZUKI! Oh, let's all dress up in ancient Chinese outfits and introduce ourselves to his partner and then get drunk!
	Byakko: Whew.
	Hisoka: This is all well and good, but will someone please make the court musician stop hitting on me?
	Tsuzuki: No.
	Nagare: Well, our last doctor died in an "accident," and we haven't been able to get a replacement.
	Watari: ...Why did you make quote-marks with your hands when you said 'accident'?
	Nagare: Ancient tradition. Much like the one where we assassinate doctors who ask too many questions.
	Watari: Righto.
	Nagare: Oh, did I mention there's a curse on this family?
	Tatsumi: No.
	Nagare: That's right. Because there isn't.
	Tatsumi and Watari: (...Hisoka's dad is hot!)
	Matsushita-sensei: Because it's my manga and I'll do whatever I want to, that's why.
	Suzaku: Okay, kiddo, time for some more exposition.
	Sohryuu: You must undergo a test in order to acquire a shiki... puny human.
	Hisoka: Must you add that after everything you say to me?
	Sohryuu: ...yes.
	Kijin: Now, off to determine your shikigami compatibility! We'll need to know your horoscope, and do you prefer smokers or nonsmokers?
	Touda: Not only am I taciturn and excessively literal, I am also the resident cyberpunk.
	Kijin: Says here you're *EXTREMELY INCOMPATIBLE WITH FIRE SHIKI*.
	Hisoka: Hmm... fire shiki, eh...
	Hisoka: Oh, look, a wormhole. I wonder if this will be important later on.
	Byakko: Nah. C'mon, let's go look in this forest. It's completely safe except for the homicidal trees.
	Hisoka: I really hate this place.
	Sohryuu: By the way, Tsuzuki, I'm mad at you.
	Tsuzuki: Hmm, Sohryuu's mad at me. I wonder if it's for trying to kill myself horribly.
	Riko: HEEEEY! AMIGO!!
	Hisoka: ...My summon is a cactus in a cowboy hat.
	Tsuzuki: Now, Hisoka, I understand you're a little disappointed...
	Hisoka: MY SUMMON IS A CACTUS IN A COWBOY HAT.
	Tsuzuki: ...But, you know, everybody has to start somewhere --
	Hisoka: CACTUS! COWBOY HAT!
	Tsuzuki: I'll just leave you alone with your stolen dignity, shall I?
	Riko: Donde estan las mujeres y la tequila? Tengo fuego en mis pantalones!
	Hisoka: I'm going to fucking shoot myself.
	Kijin: You know, Hisoka, with all the shiki you've been challenging, you might get a bit of a ... reputation.
	Hisoka: All of these shiki suck! I want a really, really, super powerful one! ...With a thermonuclear weapon!
	Kijin: Well, you could always try getting an extremely incompatible shiki, with whom you would have no end of arguing, strife, and difficulty.
	Hisoka: Sounds like fun! Hey, why's this name crossed out?
	Kijin: Oh, Kurikara. You don't want him, he hates humans, lives in a completely inaccessible desert, and enjoys killing random passers-by whenever possible.
	Hisoka: Hmm... Kurikara, eh...
	Kijin: Now, you do realize that attempting to acquire Kurikara would be an incredibly dangerous and stupid thing to do?
	Hisoka: Hey, dangerous and stupid is my middle name! Names.
	Kijin: ...Have you ever considered not spending so much time around Tsuzuki?
	Tenkou: Kouchin, play me a song! I want to hear the one with all the backstory!
	Kouchin: Well, all right, if you'll go right to bed afterwards.
	Suzaku: So you see, Kurikara's a banished traitor, and getting him as a summon would be a bad idea.
	Hisoka: Yeah, of course, I totally see that. Where is this Floating Desert where he lives, completely out of idle curiosity and certainly not any desire to go challenge him?
	Tsuzuki: Hisoka. I like your head, and I'd be very unhappy if you went and got it converted to a bloody pulp.
	Hisoka: But... but...!
	Tsuzuki: No. Zip it.
	Hisoka: Testosterone... consuming medulla oblongata... core breach imminent.
	Tsuzuki: Well, there goes Hisoka.
	Taimou: Boy, Tsuzuki, you're dumb.
	Hisoka: Hey, is Freaky-Forehead-Eyes here? I wanted to ask him how to get to Kurikara's lair.
	Genbu: Well, I can't tell you that, but I can let slip some important backstory.
	Hisoka: What? Tsuzuki tried to get Kurikara and couldn't? MAYDAY! BRAIN GOING DOWN IN FLAMES! TESTOSTERONE HAS ASSUMED CONTROL!
	Genbu: Whoops. Ho ho hoooo.
	Nagare: Now that I've obliquely threatened you, please come in. And don't step on my wife.
	Watari: BWAAGH! I mean... in my medical opinion, BWAAGH!
	Nagare: You see, she's been pregnant for two years. You wouldn't believe how much I've spent on pickles.
	Watari: Kind of a bummer, with your son being dead and working in an afterlife government job and all.
	Nagare: ...
	Tatsumi: Please ignore the doctor, as he is an idiot. Is there any reason why the pregnancy should be going on this long?
	Nagare: You mean besides the fact that she was impregnated by a giant zombie snake god that hates me? Nah, not that I can think of.
	Watari: Boy, sponging off our clients sure is fun, huh?
	Iwao: HEY! NAGARE! YOU DEAD YET?
	Tatsumi: I wonder who that old man is. Perhaps I should ask one of the servants for some exposition.
	Maid: He's the master's brother, who will seize any opportunity to take over the family household. Is the plot thick enough for you yet, or should we add some more intrigue?
	Tatsumi: That's fine, thanks. What do you think, Watari?
	Watari: Pregnant chicks are hot!
	Tatsumi: I'm going to the old doctor's office to investigate, and by the time I get back, I'll expect you to have killed yourself honorably.
	Watari: Will do.
	Sohryuu: Hmm. More wormholes. I wonder if this will be important later on.
	Touda: This just in: kids are stupid.
	Riko: Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena... Hey, why aren't you singing?
	Hisoka: Dear journal: Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a summon, and for my sins they gave me one.
	Riko: So what's the what, cabron? Kurikara, he gonna whup your ass.
	Hisoka: Yeah, probably. But I still have to go talk to him, at least, it being the manly thing to do.
	Riko: And by manly, you mean stupid?
	Hisoka: Of course. So you want to come?
	Riko: Hey, sure, I always like charging headfirst into life-threatening no-win situations so an insecure teenager can prove how big his dick is.
	Hisoka: That's my cactus. Hey, look, we're falling into a wormhole! Who didn't see this coming?
	Matsushita-sensei: Bite my crank.
	Flashback Touda: Nobody knooooows... de trouble I seeeeeen... nobody knoooooows... but Buddhaaaaa...
	Flashback Tsuzuki: Oh, duzza snakey wanna go out and pway? Gooooood snakey!!
	Flashback Touda: ...I don't know whether to love you or set you on fire.
	Flashback Tsuzuki: Hey, why not both?
	Tenku: Ever been threatened by a building?
	Touda: Oh, yeah, good thing you told me not to, because I was really planning to betray the guy who gave me my freedom and made my life worth living again and without whom I'd probably get stuck in chains for another thousand years or so. And then, after that, I thought I'd poke myself in the eye over and over again with a rusty, sharpened cockroach.
	Tenku: Don't make me go all house of leaves on your ass, bitch.
	Touda: Little-known fact: snakes express affection via ass-kicking.
	Suzaku: SUPER BOOB ATTACK! RESPECT THE HONOR OF MY CLEAVAGE!!
	Tsuzuki: Ow!
	Suzaku: Oops. Hey, by the way, Tsuzuki, meant to say, sorry about that whole thing where I disobeyed your orders and killed that girl you were trying to save so you ended up licking her disembodied head and then roasted everybody who tried to help you.
	Tsuzuki: It's okay, I love you too.
	Suzaku: ^_^
	Touda: Suzaku, I notice you've been directing even more random acts of violence towards me than usual lately. Could this be because I tried to kill our master whom you love very dearly?
	Suzaku: DIE.
	Touda: Was that a yes or a no?
	Hisoka: It's funny how I keep having dreams about my family and childhood, considering that's a completely different parallel storyline. Oh, look, I'm in a desert. I'm certain it couldn't possibly be the desert where Kurikara lives, as that would be entirely too convenient and contrived.
	Matsushita-sensei: My crank ain't bitin' itself.
	Hisoka: Well, I seem to be trapped all alone in this desert, but I'm certain I can handle this in a mature and responsible manner. ... ... ... waaaaaah I miss my cactus I miss Tsuzuki I wanna go home.
	Tsuzuki: Have you found Hisoka yet?!
	Rikugou: Not in the two seconds since the last time you asked, no.
	Tsuzuki: Oh. What about now?
	Kijin: Here, Tsuzuki, let me distract you with more vaguely ominous words that will come true. 'IF NOTHING ELSE, HISOKA WILL BE RELATIVELY SAFE.'
	Tsuzuki: ...
	Byakko: Hurry! We've found Hisoka!
	Tsuzuki: Well, FINALLY!
	Kurikara: Hey, look, lightning. This reminds me that it's time to mourn the loss of my home and worry selflessly for the souls of my family.
	Audience: Gee, I wonder if this Kurikara might be a nicer guy than he's made out to be.
	Matsushita-sensei: You know, I don't make fun of your foreshadowing.
	Camel: Kid's still asleep. Why don't you try sticking some needles in his ass?
	Riko: With great, great pleasure.
	Hisoka: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
	Riko: Buenos dias!
	Hisoka: I will kill you just as soon as you tell me what these camels are doing here.
	Camel: Don't look at me, it was the cactus's idea.
	Hisoka: Auugh! The camel is talking! ... AUUGH! THE CACTUS IS TALKING! ...wait, that's Riko. ...oh, I'm tired.
	Camel: Oh, did I mention you're stuck in this desert forever and ever? Because you are.
	Hisoka: At this point, not surprised in the least. So where are we going, anyway?
	Camel: To Kurikara's place.
	Hisoka: Buh?!
	Riko: You said you wanted to go there, cabron!
	Hisoka: But... but that was just guy talk! You know, 'once I caught a fish /this big/,' 'I can drink a whole keg in three minutes,' 'I'm going to go challenge a super powerful fire shiki who can kick my ass...'
	Camel: Well, too late, we're already here. Hey, could you try to get me Kurikara's autograph before he disembowels you?
	Hisoka: I am dumb.
	Riko: Sure you're ready, cabron?
	Hisoka: Yeah, I guess so. ...What does 'cabron' mean, anyway?
	Riko: It, uh... it... ... 'boss'?
	Hisoka: Damn straight!
	Riko: ^_^
	Futsunomitama: Hello. I am a talking, independently motile sword with a name that is incredibly difficult to spell. So, will we be living or dying this evening?
	Hisoka: Can I have a minute to think about it?